Narcissists and Marriage: Understanding Their Motivations and Patterns
Many people wonder if narcissists rush into marriage when presented with a partner who seems to meet their needs. This article explores the different motivations and patterns of a narcissist's approach to marriage, revealing why their tactics are often predictable yet highly manipulative.
The Complexity of Narcissist Motivations
It is important to understand that all narcissists are not the same, but their behaviors and manipulative tactics are often highly predictive. A narcissist focuses on securing their emotional and financial needs, and their approach to marriage can vary based on the individual and the environment around them.
Marriage as a Security Measure
If a narcissist notices that their partner values traditional family structures and holds strong beliefs in the institution of marriage, they are likely to push for a marriage. This is because a marriage can provide a sense of security and control over their partner's life, which is essential for a narcissist. They may seek financial security through marriage or to control their partner's finances, although not all narcissists are aggressive in this regard.
Adapting to the Circumstances
Narcissists are highly adaptable and will change their approach based on what best meets their needs in a given situation. If the potential partner is resistant to marriage, the narcissist is likely to do the same. They would not push for marriage if it does not align with their partner's beliefs because it would not provide the leverage they need to manipulate the situation to their advantage.
Manipulative and Short-Lived Relationships
Narcissists often seek stability but can also find security in adapting to different circumstances. If everyone around them seems to be in stable marriages, they may feel the need to do the same to fit in with the norm. However, this does not mean the marriage will last. Some narcissists may marry just to have a partner and avoid being alone, even if they do not care deeply about the person. They may stay in the marriage until they find someone who can make them look better or more desirable, at which point the marriage is often annulled.
A True Story from Experience
One individual shares a story where they were targeted by a narcissist. The narcissist, being 19 at the time, married the individual, who was 24 years old. Initially, the individual believed this was the perfect relationship. However, it was only 2 years before a divorce was initiated, with the second child still very young. The narcissist admitted to cheating and using devious tactics to maintain their lifestyle, such as spending time away from home to keep a secret life.
The individual's marriage was marked by red flags, and the divorce process was surprisingly smooth because the narcissist decided to leave on good terms. However, the individual found that the narcissist was still trying to control aspects of their life post-divorce, exhibiting double standards that were evident in their behavior even after the relationship had ended. This further underscores the manipulative nature of narcissistic relationships.
Preventing Manipulation
The experience shared here highlights the importance of recognizing red flags in a partnership, especially with a narcissist. The individual also advises against having children with a narcissist, given the potential for further manipulation and control.
In conclusion, while narcissists can be attracted to a stable life through marriage, their motivations are deeply rooted in their need for manipulation and control. Recognizing these patterns can help individuals protect themselves from becoming a victim in such relationships.