The Last Thing on Your Mind: Reflections and Realities
Often, our minds wander to the most unexpected and reflective topics as we close our eyes at night. One such reflection that often crosses my mind is a disturbing scenario: "Oh shit. This is how my life ends."
Mortality and Distractions
The concept of imminent death, if perceived as a reality, can significantly impact one's daily life. Although I am not terminally ill, nor am I immortal, the fear of mortality has been a common visitor to my thoughts, particularly in the past few nights. It’s the possible end that haunts my mind and disrupts my sleep, leading to chronic insomnia since my teenage years. The thought of this mortality governs me, subtly altering the fabric of my dreams.
Prayer and Reflection
Amidst this reality, I find solace in prayer. My nighttime prayers are not a mere ritual for me, but a mechanism to distribute myself and seek help and strength. Whether it’s reflecting on past interactions, addressing current problems, or planning my next day’s tasks, prayer provides a meaningful way to connect with life as a whole.
It's a long thought, a journey through the day, and a widespread exploration of life, reaching out to the corners of my mind until I finally drift into sleep. A prayer, a reflection, and the finality of the day all blend into a seamless routine.
The Day Before Thoughts
As the day winds down, another common thought that crosses my mind is what to have for lunch the next day. Surprisingly, a meal as simple as a sandwich or a salad barely makes an impression before I start dreaming. What lingers instead is the mundane tasks and responsibilities that need to be handled the following day – an elusive pattern that my mind cracks through routinely.
Daily Routines and Mindset
A seemingly trivial task like making sure my puppy has gone out before bed seems to be a regular feature in my routine. This simple check provides a sense of closure for the day. Similarly, as I drift to sleep, a final thought about bananas often heralds my slumber. The significance of these mundane reflections is that they act as reminders of the everyday life, a stark contrast to the weightier thoughts that often plague us.
Another recurring habit is checking in on my puppy. Each night, I ensure he is safe and secure, a small but important act that signifies the end of the day. However, often, it’s not the typical nightly chores that keep me awake, but the subtle digression into deeper thoughts. The constant struggle with remaining distracted enough and the frustration of being woken up by my cat, demanding breakfast, is a minor inconvenience that, in the grander scheme of things, serves as a reminder of life’s trivialities.
These nighttime reflections might seem insignificant, but they are the last thoughts circling in my mind as I bid adieu to the day and welcome the night. They are a reminder of my human vulnerability and the unique patterns that govern my nightly routines.